Relationship advice with Estelle

Here is your chance to ask an anonymous question about your relationship. Send your (anonymous) question to vermaake227@gmail.com.

Anonymous reader’s question: 

Hi. I am in my late 30s and my wife is in her early 30s. We have now been married for eight years. We have two children together; I also have a child from a previous relationship. The children get on well together. However, nowadays my wife and I cannot talk to each other. She likes to argue. Perhaps there is someone else in her life? She keeps on arguing and we now have a helluva silent mode at home. She goes to work at every opportunity, even after hours – which she has not done ever before. Please tell me what is happening.

Response:

Anonymous, the best would be to ask your wife to sit down and have a serious chat. Make sure there is nothing that could divert your attention. Leave your children with someone else, or put them in a separate room where they can watch a movie or something. Put away your cell phones and put off the TV. Ask your wife to sit with you. Explain to her that you have to have a serious conversation, and ask her to be honest with you. You will have to ask her very calmly what she thinks the problem is and how she thinks the both of you can solve it. Listen to what she has to say and wait until she has finished before you say anything. Ask her why she goes to work at every opportunity. Ask her if she still loves you and if she sees her way open to save your marriage. Try not to tense up, but rather stay as calm as possible. If you cannot solve the problem this way, I suggest you get help from a marriage councilor.

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